We often hear that people with ADHD are impulsive, but what does that actually feel like from the inside? For me, it’s not just about poor planning or being dramatic; it’s deeper than that. This post unpacks what impulsivity looks like in my ADHD brain and why understanding it matters more than ever.
Impulsivity. It’s something I’ve come to understand more and more about myself over time, but that doesn’t mean I’ve mastered it.
There was a time when I couldn’t explain why I felt so on edge. Why I’d go from zero to overwhelmed without warning. Now, I know that those feelings-the boredom, the irritation, the restlessness-are often signs that I’m under-stimulated and more likely to be impulsive. My brain’s craving dopamine. But before I knew that, it was just frustration. I didn’t know what I needed, only that I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
The Build-Up: When Boredom Becomes a Warning Sign
It usually starts with a familiar feeling for me – boredom creeping in, a strange sense of irritation with no clear cause. Nothing bad’s happened. No one’s upset me. But something doesn’t feel right, and I can’t settle.
In the past, this used to confuse me even more, which, of course, only added to the irritation. Now, I know this is a signal that my brain wants more. I need a dopamine boost, something new, something exciting, something… now. Impulsivity is on its way.
Impulsivity in Action: Skipping the Pause
Then it happens. An idea pops into my head, or maybe a friend mentions doing something fun. Most people think, pause, then act. For me, it’s more like think then act. The pause? That’s the tricky part. Even with the self-awareness I’ve built, the pause still doesn’t come naturally. It’s like my brain skips the buffering stage and jumps straight to go.
Take making plans, for example. I’ll get excited, message friends, and book something, only to realise after that I’ve double-booked or forgotten an appointment on the same day. Or maybe a friend sends a message that reads a little off to me. My brain instantly assumes it’s negative or personal, and I impulsively reply in the same perceived tone, without thinking. It’s only later (if I take a step back) that I realise “Oh… maybe they weren’t being unkind at all…” Maybe something in me was triggered by their words, which was then heightened by my emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity and impulsivity.
Rejection Sensitivity, Emotional Dysregulation, and the Aftermath
This is where my impulsivity links with rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation, the unfavourable trio of chaos.
A misread message can spiral into self-doubt or frustration. A spontaneous decision can become a logistical nightmare. In some situations, the inability to pause before reacting can come across as rude, intense, or over-the-top. But the reality is that I’m trying; I just don’t always have the tools to slow things down in real-time.
From impulse to injustice: ADHD and the Criminal System
This isn’t just something that affects day-to-day interactions. Dr. Phil Anderton, founder of ADHD 360 (no date) and a former senior police officer, has spoken out about how impulsivity plays out in much bigger ways, especially in the criminal justice system.
He shared a story on the ADHD Chatter Podcast (2025) about a man who was jailed for punching someone and breaking their nose. On the surface, it appeared to be aggression. But when Dr. Phil dug deeper, he found that the man had undiagnosed ADHD, and his actions were a split-second impulsive reaction to someone threatening his mum. There was no pause. Just think, then act.
Dr. Phil Anderton carried out his research called “A practitioner’s perspective concerning the links between Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and the criminal justice system”, which explores how people with ADHD are often misunderstood in these moments. He stresses that it’s not about excusing the behaviour but understanding it. And through the understanding, offering the right support (Anderton, 2024).
Connecting the Dots: Bowlby, Behaviour and the Missing Pause
Dr. Phil’s work made me think about John Bowlby (1969) and his attachment theory research, which highlights how early relationships can influence emotional and social development. Bowlby (1969) believed that the bond between a child and their mother during the first five years of the infant’s life plays a significant role in shaping how that child sees themselves and the world. A secure attachment leads to a positive internal working model: “I’m worthy. I’m safe”. However, an unstable or disrupted attachment during early childhood can lead to the infant developing a negative internal working model, resulting in a sense of being unlovable or not good enough (Bretherton, 1992).
In his study “Forty-Four Juvenile Thieves: Their Characters and Home-Life”, Bowlby found that more than half of the young offenders had experienced early separation from their mothers in childhood. He concluded that this maternal deprivation contributed significantly to their emotional difficulties and antisocial behaviour (McLeod, 2025).
But here’s the thing – could some of those behaviours also have been a result of undiagnosed ADHD? Could the impulsivity and emotional dysregulation he observed have stemmed from neurodevelopmental differences that went unrecognised at the time?
Bowlby’s research was shaped by the lens of attachment theory, focusing primarily on maternal deprivation. He didn’t consider other potential contributing factors, such as ADHD, which wasn’t understood in the 1940s.
If this study were replicated today, with modern diagnostic frameworks, would we see a high rate of undiagnosed (or diagnosed) ADHD among the same population? Many of the challenges Bowlby documented mirror the impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and behavioural difficulties often associated with ADHD.
This raises an important question: What is the relationship between early attachment experiences and ADHD symptoms like impulsivity and emotional dysregulation? Are we looking at two separate issues, or are they more deeply connected?
And with the appropriate support and understanding, could it impact the number of neurodivergent individuals who get caught up in the criminal justice system?
Understanding Isn’t Excusing – It’s Preventing
This isn’t about saying, “They couldn’t help it.” It’s about saying, “Let’s dig deeper.”
When someone lashes out, makes a bad decision, or acts impulsively, we need to ask: why? What’s going on underneath? Could neurodiversity be playing a role? Could emotional dysregulation be clouding their judgment?
If we can identify these patterns earlier in schools, homes, and our systems, we have a better chance of supporting individuals before things spiral out of control. We can teach self-awareness, helping them step back, use regulatory tools, and find that vital pause button.
Because that pause, it can change everything.
If I had learnt the tools in my childhood, it would have become second nature now, in my adulthood. Yet, I’m still learning.
Still Learning, Still Growing
Maybe you’re reading this and nodding along because you’ve felt that same quickfire reaction, or you’ve seen it in your child, friend, or partner. Maybe you’ve wondered why the “pause” seems so impossible sometimes.
Whatever brought you here, I hope you leave knowing this:
With understanding, support, and the right tools, we can build that pause – even if it takes time. By learning about our triggers and the feelings connected to our impulsivity, we can start to recognise when a pause is needed and take it.
I’m not there myself yet, but I’m closer than I used to be. Because I’ve become more self-aware and understand my brain better, I can recognise the signs sooner, before impulsivity takes over completely.
Feel free to share this post if it resonates; someone else might need to read it today.
If you’ve experienced this too, I’d love to hear your thoughts and what tools have helped you. Please comment below or reach out to me through email and Instagram.
Always remember, whatever you’re going through right now, you’ve got this!
Chloe x
References
ADHD 360 (no date), Dr. Phil Anderton. Available at: https://www.adhd-360.com/staff/phil-anderton/ (Accessed: 17th June 2025).
ADHD Chatter Podcast (2025) Founder of Europe’s No.1 ADHD organisation reveals scary side of ADHD [Video]. YouTube. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvQOh_aMB18 (Accessed: 17th June 2025).
Anderton, P. (2024) ‘A practitioner’s perspective concerning the links between Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and the criminal justice system’, Bond Law Review, 36(2), pp. 75-89. Available at: https://search.informit.org/doi/epdf/10.3316/informit.T2024081500007601125256255 (Accessed: 18th June 2025).
Bretherton, I. (1992) ‘The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’, Developmental Psychology, 28(5), pp. 759-775. Available at: https://psychology.psy.sunysb.edu/attachment/online/inge_origins%20DP1992.pdf (Accessed: 17th June 2025).
McLeod, S. (2025) Bowlby’s attachment theory. Simply Psychology. Available at: https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html (Accessed: 17th June 2025).