This is how I just about survived my second year of university – all while undiagnosed and unaware that I was autistic and ADHD. With the added complexity of being a military family and uprooting our lives to Kenya, while supporting my neurodivergent daughter through all the challenges this brings.
Luckily, by the end of my second year, I discovered what works for me, which is now helping me achieve top marks in the final stage of my degree. All because I now understand how to support my neurodivergent brain to succeed.
I didn’t know I was autistic or ADHD when I started my university journey. I just thought I had to try harder because the academic expectations had increased.
But behind the well-organised computer desk, I was starting to crumble.
Let’s Go Right Back To The Beginning.
My daughter was only one when I started my first year, Stage 1, of university. I chose to study part-time over two years with The Open University, because let’s be honest, she took up most of my time, and rightly so! I couldn’t attend a traditional brick university, so The Open University was perfect for me.
To add an extra layer of chaos and represent the standard military family, my husband was also deployed for six months during this period. Always at the most inconvenient times, right?
It was challenging, but manageable.
Despite everything going on around me, I found the modules fascinating. I loved learning about what drives human behaviour, the why behind the way we think, feel and act.
I consistently achieved top grades and completed Stage 1 with an overall distinction. As a perfectionist, that was the best possible outcome– and honestly, it felt amazing.
The Abroad Posting That Changed Everything.
Stage 2 began during an overseas relocation. Anyone who has experienced an overseas posting will understand the chaos it brings. For someone with ADHD, the admin was brutal. For the autistic side of me, the unknowns and lack of clarity were even worse.
At this time, I still didn’t know or think that I was neurodivergent. I just knew I had to help my daughter through all the changes and transitions.
There was a great deal to adapt to as we settled into our new environment, and it was a completely different way of life for us. I wasn’t allowed to work during this posting, so I thought, perfect! I’ll use these two years to finish my degree full-time. This’ll be a breeze…
I was so wrong.
When The Struggles Became Too Much
I’d experienced overseas postings before, but this time was different; I have my daughter to think of. I didn’t consider how much she might struggle in her new school. I won’t go into detail about her struggles because that’s her story, and I want to respect her privacy. The stress of it all brought out every hidden part of my undiagnosed autism and ADHD.
I was trying to support my daughter through her increasing school challenges while also studying full-time. I had two modules running at once, with higher expectations and overlapping deadlines. My brain felt like 20 browser tabs were open, and not a single one was responding.
One minute I was researching groupthink; the next I was mind-mapping how to help my child cope better in school. My brain didn’t know which fire to put out first. It was all becoming increasingly too much, without my realisation.
My grades started to drop, drastically. And as a perfectionist, that cut deep. Every lower grade felt like a personal failure.
I can’t do this.
This is too hard for me.
Why did I ever think I was capable of university-level work?
Why does everything feel impossible now?
Maybe I’m just not good enough.
Who am I kidding, thinking I could do this?
I should quit.
Discovering I’m Neurodivergent
It was during a conversation with my therapist about how much I was struggling that a lightbulb finally went off.
I started linking my experiences with my daughters. She’d recently been diagnosed as autistic and was awaiting an ADHD assessment.
Looking back, I think my therapist had been gently encouraging me to consider it for myself, but I just hadn’t seen it.
Hmm… interesting.
I started researching autism and ADHD in adults, and what I found made me question things even more.
Signs I Missed Until Later:
- I had to reread paragraphs multiple times to process them, and even then, I often couldn’t summarise what I’d just read unless it were an interest of mine that I wanted to explore further myself.
- Managing two modules felt impossibly intense. I couldn’t keep up.
- The usual plan I followed – giving myself two weeks per assignment – no longer worked. Deadlines were too close, and the disruption to my routine threw me off.
- Information from modules often got mixed up or forgotten. I felt like I wasn’t learning anything.
- The more overwhelmed I became, the more my time management skills deteriorated.
- If a topic didn’t interest me, I couldn’t push through it – I’d sit at my desk, staring blankly at the screen, hoping the topic would magically change.
- My typically organised desk became messier and more disorganised.
I did pass my second year, but not with the grades I’d hoped for. I used to think it was all due to poor time management. Now I know I didn’t have the right support for my neurodivergent brain, and that realisation changed everything.
At the end of that year, I was officially diagnosed as autistic and inattentive ADHD. Looking back, it all makes sense: the burnout, the breakdowns, the constant overwhelm. And how all this influenced my social life, which can be a topic for another time.
I will always prioritise my daughter’s well-being and make sure she gets the support she needs. But back then, I was fighting for her while completely unaware of how much support I needed, too.
Learning To Work with My Brain
Since receiving my diagnosis, I have been able to access appropriate student support from my university, which has made a significant difference.
More importantly, I’ve learned to understand myself. I’ve made my own accommodations to try to avoid burnout and work with my brain, rather than against it. That understanding helped me realise:
I’m not broken, I’m not incapable, I just needed to do things differently.
I’m now completing Stage 3, the final part of my degree (woooo!!), and back to achieving top marks. Not because the work has become easier, believe me, it hasn’t! But because I know how to support myself better.
That’s why it is more than just a label. We’re wired beyond our labels. Through the label, we can explore how to support ourselves better by gaining an understanding that we’re not broken; our brains work differently, and that’s perfectly okay. The sooner we recognise our individual needs, the sooner we can start working with them, instead of against them.
Now, when I study, I have a new plan that works for me:
Noise-cancelling headphones, scheduled breaks, and taking time away when it starts becoming overwhelming, among other strategies that help me.
And most importantly, I now have the knowledge that I’m not lazy or unmotivated; I just need different tools to help me succeed.
If you’d like me to share specific accommodations and strategies that helped me turn things around in my final year, let me know in the comments or pop me an email.
And if you relate to any of this, please feel free to share your own experience below; I’d love to hear from you!
Always remember, whatever you’re going through right now, you’ve got this!
Chloe x